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Have some random writing.

I was bored in class, so I wrote this in Psychology and typed it up in Earth Science. It's not much, it's not titled, it's not beta'd, but the severe lack of Peterick on LJ recently kills me on the inside. So enjoy.




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Okay, so I'm too upset to sleep now, so I figure LJ is the best place to post my depressed ramblings, because who the fuck reads this anymore? Not that that's anyone's fault but my own.

So basically I'm slowly finding out that I'm a burden to everyone until a) I'm older, b) I'm less socially tragic or c) I can financially stand on my own. None of which are in sight any time soon.

My biggest problem is the money thing. I'm going to college on the 22nd (something I've been putting off for way too long), I have a car that's all insured and has plates, but it ate up all but $200 of my savings to get there, and I have no job and no one that wants me because I have no social skills to be and aggressive job hunter. Actually, I have no real skills at all. Everything I'm good at or passionate about is just that: Only good and never great, only passion and not much knowledge. Good, but not good enough to make anything of it.

I have these mental barriers that stop me from getting better at things. Maybe it's a fear of success, or maybe it's me getting bored and moving to the next. Maybe I just hit the point that I just can't get much better, like a computer that's maxed out its hard drive space. No more room in this subject. This brain cell is full.

I have no money to do the things I want, that I love, and I have no way of getting it besides doing things that I hate. Babysitting? I'm not good with kids. I'm good at letting people run around doing their own thing. I'm not an authoritative figure. Any other job? No one is hiring, and if they are, it's not me they're looking for. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't need money and FAST. I have a car now. Actual expenses. I have to pay for books, gas, insurance, repairs on my crapmobile and no income.

I want to be useful, but what can I do? I can write, but I haven't had decent inspiration for anything other than fic in years. I can do my commentaries on youtube, but that's a dead horse that people are still trying to beat. Either you're established or you're not. Either you know people or you don't. You can't be just good, you have to be great. I've never been great.

I'm terrible at working with my hands. I'm so clumsy and so bumbley that nothing turns out good. I love to game, but I'm not good enough to be in the business. I love writing, but who would I turn to to get started there, and am I even good enough? I love music, but I don't know anything about it. I love history, but where the fuck are the jobs in that? I love storms and earth science, but science always gets to the point where it fries my brain. It's too much at once. What else do I have? I don't cook, I'm so unmotivated. I want to play D&D and go to concerts and meet people and be social, but how the hell am I ever going to do that when I can't even afford to visit my own friends?

I'm so stuck and I don't know where to go. It's like driving toward a wall, knowing there's a wall there and knowing your destination is beyond it, but there's no way to get around it and there's no way in fuck you're getting through it without someone (likely yourself) getting hurt, so you just keep barreling on.

TL;DR version: FML. I need sleep. And money. Mostly money. You can actually survive in the first world without sleep.

Minecraft seeds.

So I know I've been posting a lot of minecraft lately, but I recently got fraps and I'm having a blast recording things and trying to make a few series. This one might actually be relevant to your interests, though! I'm typing in names and phrases into the seed generator on request and seeing what world it makes me, so if you have any requests, let me know and I will make a video tour of the spawn area of that world. Here are the two I made so far:






Woo! More minecraft photos!

Okay, so, you remember those photos I uploaded yesterday? Well, that server file got corrupted somehow and the server no longer exists. The solution to this was obviously to make a new server, but after I built a tower I was really fond of, Shark went and fucked things up again, so I had to build another. So this time, I built my tower, decorated it, then took screenshots RIGHT AWAY before it gets deleted. So you get another spam! Huzzah! again, this is all in one night's work. Hopefully the server will be there tomorrow for us to work more on it.
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Pic spamming again!

I promised Allie I would show her screenshots of the house we built in Minecraft, and so I shall! Note: This is all only one day's work.
Cutting~!Collapse )

 

Just humor me for a moment...

Okay, I built a house in The Sims 3, and I'm really proud of it, so I'm going to picspam you all! :-D
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This never fails to amuse me.

Guess who's back?


Okay, so I've kind of been ignoring LJ for a while, so I figure it's time to stop that. Of all days and places, on Mothers' Day, and in my mom's basement.

I can give you several reasons for the lack of posting including BUT NOT LIMITED TO:

~I have a whole bunch of new games that I simply have to beat. (most of which I've given up on for the time being. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, OBLIVION)
~I have been distraced by Allie and chatfic. (More going up on chatfic_archive  soon, so keep an eye out.)
~World of Warcraft (Less now than a few months ago, but still.)
~The Sims 3 (Because The Sims 3. Really. It's great.)
~The Sims Medeival (Because HOW GREAT IS THAT?!)
~BBB. Yes, I'm still writing fic. Just... quietly. What was my last posted fic? My flashbang? That should change soon.

And now the obligatory I've-been-gone-from-LJ-for-ages-so-this-is-what's-happening-in-my-life list.

~I signed up for college in the fall and was accepted! Woo! It's just a community college, but it's a start.
~I'm getting a new laptop and car soon! Double woo! Both of which were bribes from my mother to start college, but what the hey. I'll take it.
~I'm going to join a D&D campaign! As soon as I get a car, that is. It's going to be so nice to have a social life again!
~Allie is moving here! \o/! It's going to be awesome.
~My wife is visiting me soon! \o/ \o/ \o/! This, too, will be awesome. :-D

Also! I've been looking through my fics-in-progress and have vowed to finish some! And I will, especially when I start classes. I tend to write more then I'm procrastinating. Among the vowed to finish are:

~My wave two BBB. I WILL DO IT THIS YEAR.
~Josie's year and a half late birthday fic. >.> Because I would feel bad if I didn't.
~That Percy Jackson one I started ages ago.

And more! I don't want to get hopes up for some of my rotting fics. But yes. I will be editing and posting more chatfic, so keep eyes out for that and have an awesome day/week/month, depending on how long it takes me to post again. Love you all!

Food for thought.

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So I figured I should post an update that isn't pimping (*cough*chatfic_archive *cough*) for everyone who isn't getting updates via twitter/AIM/text.

It's warming up here, but not really all that much. There are still ugly and dirty lumps of snow left over from the blizzard, and it tends to rain then freeze which leaves pretty icicles, but also leaves slick roads.

I haven't really been writing as much as I should, mostly due to laziness and video games (My dad bought and xbox. Goodbye, social life.) than anything else. I signed up for BBB, but I'm having second guesses about the plot that I want to use, so I'll probably end up starting about three and using the one that comes out more easily.

I have a regular babysitting gig, which is pretty great because it means I have extra money lying around for albums and concerts, and that I can afford to go see Patrick two nights in a row~! Which I ~am. Because I'm obsessed.

Umm, I've been baking a bit, trying out some family recepies. It's worked out great so far, seeing that my dad has finally admitted that he's been buying more bananas than he knows we can eat so I can keep making banana bread for him. :-D

Other than that, my life has been more or less a blur of babysitting, chatfic and Fable II. Hopefully I'll make fic happen some day, but I can't promise anything.

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